FAREWELL

“Take your time and decide. . .”
“I’ve already decided”, the interruption buzzed into Neil’s ears.
Amir continued, “We will exchange a few words but I find it impossible to drag our relation beyond that.”
‘Drag’? ‘Impossible’? Did he actually speak those words? ‘It is not possible’ would have been relatively soothing than the direct ‘impossible’.
“Pardon?”, Neil’s brain could not register what Amir had just said.
“This relation is unworkable”, the voice echoed the same monotony.
Replacing the receiver, Neil found it hard to absorb what he confronted a few moments ago. It took Amir only a few seconds to pull himself out of a relation that spanned over a year and a half. ‘Unworkable’! True. However, to make it work, one needs to try, one needs to make an effort, one needs to care.
“ kuchh bhi na suna, kab ka tha gila?
Kaise keh dia . . alvida!”
Neil was flabbergasted. He could not believe what he had just heard. He sat in the dark, trying to figure-out what had just occurred. He was so bewildered by the suddenness that he went blank. His senses were paralyzed. He felt numb. The unexpected words of Amir dishonored his care towards him. Reality slapped him hard. He was silenced.
“ ab kehna aur kya?
Jab tune keh diya . . alvida!”
Neil’s helplessness gave its way and he broke down into violent sobs. Tears burnt down his cheeks. Memories flooded in, ushering in all those moments that they had spent together—moments so very bright, so very honest, and so very close.
“aage barh gaye humse raahon me
Par tum to abhi the yaheen!”
How was it possible for him not to be bothered for a second before taking a decision like this? How could he be so unperturbed? These questions became frequent in his gray cells.
“tumse hain khafa, hum naraaz hain;
Dil hain pareshaan:
Socha na suna, tune kyon bhala keh diya . . alvida?”
Frantic, Neil buried his face into the pillow, trying to mute his cries, but could not silence the cry of his soul. Call it optimism or immense despair, Neil could not fall for the fact that the phone call was real. He fancied this a nightmare, which would never be a reality. There would be a brighter tomorrow—tomorrow that would be just like yesterday, happy and in each other's company.
“hum the diljale, phir bhi dil kahe
Kaash mere sang aaj hote tum agar, hoti har dagar
Gulsita”
The gloominess was getting on to him. To put an end to this bleak hour, he dialed Amir’s number and waited. The call was about to be connected, when a sense of egotism descended upon him. Why should he call? What would he ask for—to get back? Why would he compel? Wouldn’t that be finding the middle ground, a compromise? He pressed the end button. A sentiment of snobbery forced Neil to hold himself back.
“sunle bekhabar, yoon aankhen pher kar
Aaj tu chali jaa:
Dhoondegi nazar, humko hi magar, har jagah—
Aisi raaton mein lekar karvate,yaad humein karna,
Aur phir haar kar, kehna kyon magar—
Keh diya . . alvida?”
Neil surrendered to the turn of events “jaane kis tarah, kis ghari?” and “chupke se kahin, dheeme pao se” bid farewell to his most beloved friend, unwilling though.
“Do un baahon ko, thhandi chhao ko
Hum bhi kar chale . . alvida!”

He closed his eyes and everything grew dim. What started mutually, ended in an unfair, one-sided behavior!

AS YOU LEAVE

your bags are strapped, i see
so you are leaving me
to set sail --
but why is it that i cry
and can't let you go
though the hardest i try
why do i wanna hold you back?
with the world's jeer
and pressure from the peer
i feel tantamount to a corpse
and then there's life's haste
with no time to waste
when i act like a marionette!
it seems like an aeon
when the resilience has gone
missing ---

the moments we live
the memories we weave
serve as a bliss of my solitude
when the hours are lonely and nights are long
your faces brighten up making me strong
to fight yet another war!
your tender touch and the vibrant smile
push me to walk another mile
confident and secure.



time for you has come o leave me
give me a hug and kiss me
as i can't force myself to smile
though the hardest i try!!

ADIEU



{for kajoree n senjuti
b hapy alwz}

conscience speaks

Dear ME,

for the past year and half
i have seen you laugh
but did not find the familiar tone
the smile spread wide, but it hardly shone
the person you are!
you seem to be drained
your innocence blood-stained.
who stole the spree?
who killed the mind-open and free?

come along with me, pal
to the world we belonged
to the place where we lived
come away with me, HOME!

the daffodils that brightened the english class
the physical differences between weight and mass
the historic heroes and the atlas
alongwith the graphs and the compass
are beckoning at us!
let's get back to the world of our own.

it was the time of no missed calls
and sms's none:
and moments of untarnished fun
we had together, out in the fields.
the pain that we had as we failed
time and again
only brought us close. further.
the instants of broad smile
and the fights that never got sorted
in a while
are all waiting. .

they are all there for us and so am i
to hold you up and stand by
in times of your need.
get out of this gloomy phase
and lets get back to those days
to dream, once again!

its time we spread our wings again
and fly away from the stress and strain
to UTOPIA
i stand the same for you
at the same place
waiting for you to embrace
tha spirit of life, all over again!

love---
YOU!